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    Ma and the Auto
    by Edgar A. Guest

    Before we take an auto ride Pa says to Ma:
          "My dear,
    Now just remember I don't need suggestions
          from the rear.
    If you will just sit still back there and hold
          in check your fright,
    I'll take you where you want to go and get
          you back all right.
    Remember that my hearing's good and also I'm
          not blind,
    And I can drive this car without suggestions
          from behind."

    Ma promises that she'll keep still, then off we
          gayly start,
    But soon she notices ahead a peddler and his
          cart.
    "You'd better toot your horn," says she, "to let
          him know we're near;
    He might turn out!" and Pa replies: "Just
          shriek at him, my dear."
    And then he adds: "Some day, some guy will
          make a lot of dough
    By putting horns on tonneau seats for women-
          folks to blow!"

    A little farther on Ma cries: "He signaled for
          a turn!"
    And Pa says: "Did he?" in a tone that's hot
          enough to burn.
    "Oh, there's a boy on roller skates!" cries Ma.
          "Now do go slow.
    I'm sure he doesn't see our car." And Pa says:
          "I dunno,
    I think I don't need glasses yet, but really it
          may be
    That I am blind and cannot see what's right
          in front of me."

    If Pa should speed the car a bit some rigs to
          hurry past
    Ma whispers: "Do be careful now. You're
          driving much too fast."
    And all the time she's pointing out the dangers
          of the street
    And keeps him posted on the roads where
          trolley cars he'll meet.
    Last night when we got safely home, Pa sighed
          and said: "My dear,
    I'm sure we've all enjoyed the drive you gave
          us from the rear!"

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